It’s a Hell in a cell in a dark beehive
Off a mislaid scroll of a timeless curse,
Where we all breathe yet none of us lives,
Where we all strive for a common cause;
For a common pain,
For a common end,
For slaves to be born,
For slaves to be killed,
For a son of a God,
For a drunken king,
For a queen to be fed,
For a rite of a ring,
For a lair of an heir no longer there,
For a fear of a war with a next of kin,
For a gasp of air in the underground,
For the sound of a round shattering your chin,
For the ones who dare,
For the no-one there,
For the lost,
For the ghost under your skin,
For the vows we broke,
For the smiles we choked
With lies which spoke inherited sin,
For the light that’s gone,
For the stolen Sun,
For dreams on the run which shan’t give in,
For a call I heed in a time of need
For the words I bleed, I weave and spin
For a certain fall, once and for all,
For the worms in a hole, for the worms within.
I think I’ve lost my sanity
I think I’ve lost my mind
I’ve lost the man I never were
And killed my inner child
The only string that’s still attached
Is a highwire to a cloud
Is a silken thread to a dungeon
Is a dead root in the ground
Is a silver-wound for a violin
That plays without a sound
One thousand songs of madness
One thousand blood-red shrouds
I think I’ve lost my sanity
I think I’ve lost my pride
I’ve lost my inborn dignity
In none do I confide
These human shades no longer speak
Their veils no longer hide
Whatever lies beneath the skin
Whatever dies inside
The screeching cries beseeching God
For a tender suicide
Are falling deaf on the ears of the one
Our lord of genocide
I think I’ve lost my sanity
I think I’ve lost my guide
I’ve lost my words, my memories
My path to grace denied
Three headless angels leading mutes
Of myriad headless hounds
Are gone adrift, are gone astray
They’re marching by my side
As headless ravens flying low
Black feathers, spanning wide
They seal the sky and steal my sight
And crown me; I, The Blind
On the baleful night of June the ninth,
Ten ravens flew and croaked with blithe,
For they have known what they have done;
Their eyes ablaze in the midnight sun.
Their talons reeked the stench of crime,
Their blood-soaked beaks spoke murdered prime,
Then silence reigned and light was gone,
As drowned a star by the Fallen One.
And now forlorn are sons of man,
For a red moon shines where Sol once span.
I am the remedy for your vicious god, I’m here to cleanse your mind and release your soul. I am the light, the saviour, the Antichrist.
I am The One, The Third and The Seventh. I am the black Sun, the red moon and the grey Earth. I am the seer, the harbinger of the unlight, the father of the wicked and the son of none.
I am the end from which they hide, I am the truth you’ll never find, I am the void of all but one, I am within; I am The Blind.
You know how to find me, you know where to find me, all it takes is to want to.
I’ve never been yours and never will be, for I don’t believe in fairy tales. I belong to the world which aches, I belong to the ones with sorrow, I belong to those who need, and for them I live and bleed. But once my work is done, once I can no longer give, and once them eyes tell me to leave, I drag myself out of the scene and let them angels be.
It hurts to disappear, for the steps I take backwards are those onto the shattered heart of mine, but those who bleed in darkness are silenced by the night, so those who are meant to smile can dream of the world that will never be.
And there I lie in my corner, watching the world drown itself in hand-made misery, I burn my wounds and swallow the pain, wishing for this heart to die, but hoping, that before it does, I’ll see your astral smile again.
But till then, I shall keep my silence.
“And round it spins, and round it goes
Her smile through silver eyes doth shine
And down it slips, and down it falls
Into the spiral Hell of mine”
Today I needed to write, not because I have a lot to say–cause I don’t, not because I need to let off steam–cause it won’t change a thing, not because I need to get my word out to the world–cause I don’t give a fuck what these monsters have to say. Today I needed to write, because the silence has turned me into the devil I always feared, because these days need to be remembered, by me, the watcher, the reader, the guardian, the amnesiac god trapped in a cage of flesh, the Antichrist defying his own fate, the speck of dust with the burden of a dying Sun, the aimless ape who cared for those who hate.
There are things you need to know, there are things you need to do, just because you’re not dead yet. I read some of your old words, I looked at your old work, I dug up the broken memories of fading souls and dead angels who once stood by your side. You were someone, you were something, you were once a promise for a Phoenix that will never rise again, you were the dream of a battle won for a shape-shifting Raven, you were an artist with a hand that drew all that once was not, and a musician that overfed the strings of a bass with the melodies of a Baroque quartet, you were a saviour, a troubleshooter, a problem solver, an adviser, an inspirer, and now I look at you…
Today I write, cause I’m struggling to find the words, I write cause I’ve grown tired of the nothingness that I’ve created around myself. I write for myself to read these my words again, then feel ashamed, then delete the page and fail myself again.
For how long is it safe to smile, while the unwept acid tears flow backwards into your core, burning all that comes their way, along with the memories, the dreams, the hopes, the plans, the screams, and the corpse of an innocence once lost.
“Nailed to a cross of my denial
Bleeding streams of guilt and shame
For I await in this my trial
When ashen crows mention my name”
Once upon a time, when everything was younger, someone wanted to try my special dish of Pure Honesty™
… To Maria
Oh any time! Though I must warn you, it is sour, with a hint of colourless mushroom clouds, dream-shaped cheese and anti-viruses, best served dead with hollow raven heads and sliced brown dwarves (23-33 Mj is recommended)… Enjoy!
H.Q.
10th Aug 2011
What she replied with, is something that I no longer remember, but what I know is, it was so bright it lit a spark inside a once-infertile mind, and these lines were born:
But the sliced brown dwarves said nothing,
for they were sliced, and they were cold…
And the mistletoe is no more;
as The Grinch stole her sanity with a bat’s spinal cord…
Thus here I wait, with a box that ain’t mine,
a key that ain’t hers and an elf that ain’t there,
we look at each other and laugh as one,
for we just did what’s never been done!
The old gnome smiles, his name was “Answer”,
he loved to raise elks, he’s a hell of a dancer!
He solved the quiz and opened the box,
he didn’t need a key for he’s half an ox!
But then it happened, the secret was revealed!
The bats went slaying, their wounds cannot be healed!
I screamed and begged for the mercy of the Master,
but he just flew as he blasted into laughter!
“Oh Lord of Bats, ye Harbinger of Sin,
can’t ya save Vesper and save her elven-kin!?”…
“HOHOO HELL NO!” he jawed from outer space
“YER ON YOUR OWN, SO SHUT YER UGLY FACE!”…
So here I lie, split in half and shattered,
my blood runs dry as I think of what he’s muttered;
could it be true? Or does it really matter!?
Is it just ma face? Or am I gettin’ fatter!!
The answer to this troubling quest,
shalt not be known to man or beast,
for the jolly “Answer” ain’t no more
than half a gnome and half a feast…
And round it spins, and round it goes around your fingers; a perfect world in a perfect circle, a portal through which your soul is channelled to the heart for which it longs, to a cradle in a room that is your home, to an empty bottle, to a lonely glass, to a desolate shadow that is not yours to embrace.
Your eyes can no longer sleep, awaiting a ray of light that’s gone astray, for all you see are blackened shards of shattered glass and bleeding curtains of murdered hopes. You turn the ring, you close the portal, you lock the door, and back to the darkest of all of them corners you crawl.
“Stolen chords and borrowed rhymes,
fractured songs of madness
Echo with the bleakest chimes
dragging trails of sadness
By the altar of the lost
and torn, her vows she’d utter
Bathed in darkness, with a crown
of thorns, her heart aflutter
So broke the void from whence he show’d;
a crow of wit and age
And there he stood, with night adorned
Thus quoth the sightless sage:
“This my kingdom, thou behold
nigh the shores of Lethe,
nurtures neither love nor gold
hence foredoomed shall be thee”
Stolen chords and borrowed rhymes,
fractured songs of madness
Echoed in my bleakest times
and wrought my life of sadness”
You greet the pellucid walls of thin air and redundant space, scanning them with blurry eyes, it has been some time since the two of you had a genuine conversation.
I know you gave up on planning, for it seemed not to ever work, but there’s this someone, this out-of-the-Matrix individual, who makes the relative heaviness of the burden of time dedication feel relatively bearable, yet absolutely worthwhile.
I don’t think time matters when it comes to these few, these singularities, these ones of a kind, the ones you never knew yet yearn to unite back with, the ones whom lifelines shall interweave with yours—or thus you aspire—, the ones who found their way out of the headless crowds amongst which they were raised, the ones who follow not, nor lead the herd, but stray away from the paths once paved by their forefathers, finding their own destiny, sculpting their own future, and seeing you in it.
It is for the one who makes you sway your quill with binary thoughts and scribe them onto the frail walls of imaginary space, the one who makes your ashen heart of a leopard-hawk reclaim its colour and ache again with melodies of alien hopes, the one who makes you render undying structures of concrete dreams and artificial realms for the barren minds and forlorn souls, and see a reflection of a human form in these shattered mirrors of age; a form that has been replaced by an abhorrence of an infernal shape since the departing of faith.
And you thought it was the time you got back to erasing. But I think not, my friend, for it is time you rewrote your fate.
“Guardians, down the hills they march
and blackness they beset
As watchmen eye them from afar
and havoc they beget
Seize them words of baleful bile
blighting this my fit
for now I ride to earn them scars
and them I shan’t regret”
Jungle kills jungle kills jungles all the way
Tigers, snakes, lizards and apes, crocodiles night and day! HEY!!
Jungle kills jungle kills jungles all the way
Bring your gun, it’s no fun! No, I don’t want to stayyyyy!
Cannibals all night long, are singing tribal songs
They won’t let you go but they might let you feel the prongs! HEY!
Jungle kills jungle kills jungles all the way
‘You’re dead now’ says the crow, and drags me on the sleigh!
Uselessness killed the fucking hawk, emptiness bled him dry, uninspiration plucked his feathers for he’s not meant to fly…
can you hear me, ashen bird, blackened beyond the black… Still you think you’ve done it right despite the soul I lacked?
If we’re meant to meet again, then spare no rounds at all, pull your gun and decorate my skull with a fucking hole…
A leopard once has revelled where now maggots began to dwell, so pack your faceless devils as you drag me back to hell…
Underneath the Stygian fire, the Phoenix meets the hawk, the raven meets the leopard and they all unite in smoke…
Simplicity ruled one aching heart
For twenty years he lived in pain
He sought out but the broken souls
And them he’d found, and them he’d slain
Then one midnight one angel dies
Unveiling lies of a world mundane
For once he lost what life once meant
Is he but a wheel in a moving train
As she fell down so fell his faith
And a wake of reason hit his brain
Now complex scripts control his mind
They drove him blind, mad and insane
Misunderstanding lines of code
Miscommunicating down the chain
is all he does, is all he knows
is he but an aimless human stain
****
Simplicity ruled one simple heart
for twenty years he lived in vain
and now he’s dead, God shirked his soul
One mammal down, one man disdain
From his grey flesh our earth is formed
And from his tears there shall be rain
His blood runs down and through the soil
And deep it flows into our veins
And from his voice disformants growl
discordance, over fainting strains
as crows fly low lifting his shade
under dead wings; his fateful bane
one final trip my sinful friend
distant from all our mangled plains
thy ashes shall be mixed with light
as darkness dwells where you had lain
****
As mortal lies consume our ghosts
We gloat and praise our passing reign
Simplicity killed one lonesome crow
But from our dust, he’ll rise again…
Stalactite, stalagmite
A Thousand cars I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I June
Get some sleep this afternoon
I have some coke, which now I drink
I sit alone, I write and think
that this laptop is a bit too hot
so what’d you say? Shut down or not?
If I shut down, then wait I must
Too much old work must I adjust
Too late I am, bored and homesick
Ten meters far, sits Chinese chick
She looks so sweet in white and beige
She seems to be twenty five in age
She reads some stuff, then writes some things
“Give me Red Bull, it gives me wings!!!”
Well now my friends, I have to leave
not much to say, so I believe
I post this post, and out I log
so hope you’ll like to check my Blog 🙂
For years I’ve searched yet couldn’t find
That ghost of “Love” you built in mind
But then I woke for I was blind
I saw the ghost who stood behind
I searched in vain, hopelessly tried
But now I’ve learnt I better hide
Your false illusion for which I cried
Have made my shield; I’m fortified
I’m no more sad nor petrified
For now I’m healed; my soul has died
****
I brought you love, and you sold me pain
All was in vain, I’m left and scarred
You did reject the purist soul
You killed me, now I’m underground
But -for revenge- God sent me back
To be your shadow over land
And here I am, I am the ghost
But I am real more than you are
You feel me there when you’re asleep
I haunt the dreams, silence the cries
I suck the wine out of your lips
And drink the tears out of your eyes
Then you awake, you’re petrified
You cry and wish for my demise
It’s all in vain my lovely snake
I am the curse which never dies
I am the wound which never heals
I am the dark slaying the skies
I’m here to watch your bitter end
And make you pay back for your lies
****
God, I am done, well, take me now
My love has died, so shall my ghost
“Well, no my dear” God says to me
“You are the damned, everly lost
You’re cursed for you were ever blind
You want revenge? You’ll pay the cost”
****
And here I am, I am The Blind
I am as real as you can’t be
You’ll feel me; sure, I’ll be within
I’ll close your eyes and hide the key
Then watch you search for love and fail
Then you avenge; you’re cursed as me…
I really don’t know what you have in mind, and probably, no more care to know, but I’m very sure that all that over-loving you tend to give, is helping nothing but increase my hatred… not only towards myself, but towards you, so, if this is not your intention, then please, SHUT THE FU#K UP… cause whatever you think you’re doing, you’re doing it wrong…
You don’t really know how insulted, hateful and humiliated I now feel, and you don’t really have to know, having no one around that you trust.. not even yourself.. the only one whom you used to tell everything is long since dead… 1year, 11months and 7days… I don’t really miss her any more… or do I miss anything at all?!
I’m so fuckin’ tired, I just can’t sleep. It’s 03:58AM, and I’m sitting here, biting my nails, and even taking the skin off my fingertips with my teeth… a habit that’s still going on since 1998, yeah, who cares…
It’s strange how easily can a strong feeling of love towards someone turn -in a minute- into a stronger feeling of pure destructive hatred… that you even enjoy more than all that “sweet” shit…
What is happening here?! See for yourself, you should be so fuckin blind not to get the idea. Maybe not as blind as I am… but I’ve never heard of someone being “blinder” than another?
Ravens fall as I look down
ghostly feathers are fading
darkened hearts are shining black
and hatred spreads invading
Purple purple pinky bubbles…
Watch them fly as my life wobbles…
Raise my head to touch their ghosts…
I slowly crawl while they still double…
And then I reach the lowest one…
Point my finger but it’s gone…
Stare around, they disappear!!!
And leave me stuck!! Now I’m in trouble!!!
“Intrusion.Win.MSSQL.worm-
Helkern” spreading like a storm…
Anti-Hacker stand on-guard
as we send Helkern to play with Hubble…
Purple ravens flying low…
They hit my head with the “Shortest Straw”…
And “Major Barbara” of Bernard Shaw…
They throw me down, I fall on stubble…
Purple purple ugly flies…
Flying low down ravens’ eyes…
Group in noisy purple clouds
And hunting ravens down in couples…
***********
Purple purple slippery ground
Blood and corpse and buzzy sounds
Laying still where I were thrown
I wait for the Advent of Death Hounds
With Ravens’ gone I’m all alone…
I look up high with eyes of stone…
I see through crowds of purple flies
Descending Angel through the clouds
Purple Mighty, Purple Strong
Purple Angel comes along
Takes my eyes and flies with flies
I’m rendered blind, I cry so loud!!!
A blind man walking through the unseen
in purple cosmos he’s The Green
Purple peacocks block his way
They spread their wings and sew his shroud…
***********
Purple birds with purple feather
Peck my head like they have never
Barely stand and swing my hand
I run and jump into the river
But purple Fish have longer teeth
They only use them underneath
They pierce so deep into my flesh
While one of them consumes my liver
No lies I tell, I could survive!!!
I made my way hard through that hive…
A half green-man who’s still alive!!!
I’m purple-crippled, I’m doomed forever…
Sorry Purples you will pay
Green-God’s watching while I pray
I just meant you all no harm!!!
You’ve hurt the Greenish Unfogiver!!!!
***********
Greenish Greenish pinky bubbles…
Watch them fly as my wife wobbles…
Raise my head to touch their ghosts…
I slowly crawl while they still double…
Then I reach the highest one…
Stretch my hand and now I’m done…
Stare around, they’re all still there!!!
I gather’em all with ZERO trouble!!!
Greenish ravens flying High…
Wings of vengeance in the sky…
Void of Angels void of Hounds…
Peaceful crows now pick the stubble…
Purple purple ugly flies…
Piling low down ravens’ eyes…
Group in silent purple crowds
And no more hurting raven couples…
