Of Memories Unearthed, Pt. I: Brown Dwarves on Mushrooms and Other Dead Things

Once upon a time, when everything was younger, someone wanted to try my special dish of Pure Honesty™

… To Maria

Oh any time! Though I must warn you, it is sour, with a hint of colourless mushroom clouds, dream-shaped cheese and anti-viruses, best served dead with hollow raven heads and sliced brown dwarves (23-33 Mj is recommended)… Enjoy!

H.Q.
10th Aug 2011

What she replied with, is something that I no longer remember, but what I know is, it was so bright it lit a spark inside a once-infertile mind, and these lines were born:

But the sliced brown dwarves said nothing,
for they were sliced, and they were cold…
And the mistletoe is no more;
as The Grinch stole her sanity with a bat’s spinal cord…

Thus here I wait, with a box that ain’t mine,
a key that ain’t hers and an elf that ain’t there,
we look at each other and laugh as one,
for we just did what’s never been done!

The old gnome smiles, his name was “Answer”,
he loved to raise elks, he’s a hell of a dancer!
He solved the quiz and opened the box,
he didn’t need a key for he’s half an ox!

But then it happened, the secret was revealed!
The bats went slaying, their wounds cannot be healed!
I screamed and begged for the mercy of the Master,
but he just flew as he blasted into laughter!

“Oh Lord of Bats, ye Harbinger of Sin,
can’t ya save Vesper and save her elven-kin!?”…
“HOHOO HELL NO!” he jawed from outer space
“YER ON YOUR OWN, SO SHUT YER UGLY FACE!”…

So here I lie, split in half and shattered,
my blood runs dry as I think of what he’s muttered;
could it be true? Or does it really matter!?
Is it just ma face? Or am I gettin’ fatter!!

The answer to this troubling quest,
shalt not be known to man or beast,
for the jolly “Answer” ain’t no more
than half a gnome and half a feast…

H.Q.
22:40
2011 Aug 12