Chapter I: Act II: Jason

today… I have seen a man fading…. well, not any man… for the first time I see.. a soul… getting tortured more than mine… in a disgusting twisted way… his heart have run away… and now, he’s run out of hope.. life.. and humanity…
well, “God has his ways”… and they’re twisted, and filthy…
“it’s all for a purpose”… a purpose, more twisted and hellish than the ways themselves…

well, right now, this man has a 2-3 years of pain to live… or to die… starting from now… these years will either pass slowly, meaningless, empty, pointless, and naked of all feelings and senses… or they might pass slower, meaningful, full.. of sorrow… pointless, hopeless, and full of broken feelings and desperate senses… and maybe.. well, they may not even pass… as time has just stopped…

and today… I’ve seen a woman fading…. fading through his eyes… far away on the other side… a hundred miles away from him… but still… she’s not…

they were both damned for they were both born… in this everly-twisted play… it’s no more about the choices you make… your choices have never been yours… what’s the need for a freewill if you have nothing to choose from…. and well, no need to mention God… it’s all well known…

God, let them die for good… and let me die with them…
just look at him….
just look at me…
I’m so soft… so ugly… and so useless… yes I am… but I’m more useful than you are….

oh thou ugly Gods… as ye have created shame… so thee be ashamed…
as ye have brought love, as ye have brought pain…. so shalt thee feel both.. combined…
shall you stop your ugly game… and halt your boring play… for you have read my lines.. before they got written….. for once… F.E.E.L..
but as I know… the same as you do… “feel” is just a word…. and “word” is quite nothing… and “nothing” doesn’t even exist… as “existence” have never been… and “being” was never there… as “there” was nothing… as “nothing” was there… and as “nothing” has never existed… just as “existence” itself… the only thing that “exists” is You, Holy God… so shall you celebrate your loneliness…

shall I not feel sorrow…
shall I not feel pain….
shall I not feel at all..
for it’s no more unexpected…
for it’s no more “unknown”…
and now, even “death” can do nothing….
but “nothing” doesn’t even exist…
as “existence” has never been…
and “being” was never there…
all is “there” was You… only You, Poor God… Poor Despicable God…
so shall you celebrate your loneliness… as you’re not even “All” alone… you’re just “alone”..by yourself…
so shall you celebrate… for you’re, just, alone…

02:28 28/07/2005
for Jason, for Serine..for history… as if they have ever existed..

02:32 28/07/2005
for me…the soft, the ugly.. the useless… the less deserving of all.. pathetically sickening..
H.Q.

Chapter I: Act I: Blind I (v 2.0.2)

For years I’ve searched yet couldn’t find
That ghost of “Love” you built in mind
But then I woke for I was blind
I saw the ghost who stood behind

I searched in vain, hopelessly tried
But now I’ve learnt I better hide

Your false illusion for which I cried
Have made my shield; I’m fortified
I’m no more sad nor petrified
For now I’m healed; my soul has died

****

I brought you love, and you sold me pain
All was in vain, I’m left and scarred
You did reject the purist soul
You killed me, now I’m underground

But -for revenge- God sent me back
To be your shadow over land

And here I am, I am the ghost
But I am real more than you are
You feel me there when you’re asleep
I haunt the dreams, silence the cries
I suck the wine out of your lips
And drink the tears out of your eyes

Then you awake, you’re petrified
You cry and wish for my demise
It’s all in vain my lovely snake
I am the curse which never dies
I am the wound which never heals
I am the dark slaying the skies
I’m here to watch your bitter end
And make you pay back for your lies

****

God, I am done, well, take me now
My love has died, so shall my ghost
“Well, no my dear” God says to me
“You are the damned, everly lost
You’re cursed for you were ever blind
You want revenge? You’ll pay the cost”

****

And here I am, I am The Blind
I am as real as you can’t be
You’ll feel me; sure, I’ll be within
I’ll close your eyes and hide the key
Then watch you search for love and fail
Then you avenge; you’re cursed as me…

H.Q.
02:48 AM
26/03/05

08/06/2007

Breeding hate, spreading, and infecting…

I really don’t know what you have in mind, and probably, no more care to know, but I’m very sure that all that over-loving you tend to give, is helping nothing but increase my hatred… not only towards myself, but towards you, so, if this is not your intention, then please, SHUT THE FU#K UP… cause whatever you think you’re doing, you’re doing it wrong…

You don’t really know how insulted, hateful and humiliated I now feel, and you don’t really have to know, having no one around that you trust.. not even yourself.. the only one whom you used to tell everything is long since dead… 1year, 11months and 7days… I don’t really miss her any more… or do I miss anything at all?!

I’m so fuckin’ tired, I just can’t sleep. It’s 03:58AM, and I’m sitting here, biting my nails, and even taking the skin off my fingertips with my teeth… a habit that’s still going on since 1998, yeah, who cares…

It’s strange how easily can a strong feeling of love towards someone turn -in a minute- into a stronger feeling of pure destructive hatred… that you even enjoy more than all that “sweet” shit…

What is happening here?! See for yourself, you should be so fuckin blind not to get the idea. Maybe not as blind as I am… but I’ve never heard of someone being “blinder” than another?

Ravens fall as I look down
ghostly feathers are fading
darkened hearts are shining black
and hatred spreads invading

H.Q.
04:24, Friday
08 June 2007

DEELAAYYEED…

As always, I’m going to apologize, for not being able to keep the site up-to-date, and above all, for not –yet– being able to have a photo album or an art gallery…

  1. Tomorrow evening I’m going to get my artworks on a CD, it was delayed for too long, but what’s the use of an empty Gallery after all?
  2. I’ve had a wonderful exhibition, thanx all for coming over :D… uh.. yeah, anyway, the artworks are on the same above-mentioned CD 🙂
  3. The website design for the Syrian SGP (GEF/UNDP project) was officially cancelled, a new CEO is in charge of the SYR UNDP so, they preferred to stick to the old sucky site…

If you would like to have some real F%^$@# sick laugh… make sure you visit down here before you go… it’s some blog showing how ignorant a man could be… and he’s serious!!!! And it’s called:

Heliocentrism is an Atheist Doctrine!!!! …sucker…

Well… that’s all I can add now… as it’s getting a bit too sunny outside!!! 07:13 AM…. Gotta get some sleep…

An Update on Me…

3days non-sleeping… that’s the best thing that could describe what I’m going through right now… I have a joint exhibition to prepare for on Monday, 30th of April, I designed the poster and was supposed to design the cards as well, but no time is left… as I received a new task to be done on a10-day deadline… the re-designing of the SGP (Small Grants Programme) site, which is a part of the UNDP programs as I recall… the Syrian sub-site is going its own way, and they want a newer, more attractive design… yeah…. Wish me luck on this one!!

On the other hand… I’m still ripping/backing the old “Compact Cassette” deteriorating collection my parents have… and it’s a long boring process… ugh…

 

One thing I’m happy about, is the results I’m getting with my Zenith camera 🙂 !!! started to scan the Negatives instead of making some hard prints… and the result is quite satisfying 🙂 …. None is gonna be posted until I settle on some good photo hosting site… thinking of Flickr…

 

Currently Playing:

Hollenthon – With Vilest of Worms to Dwell

In Purple Space…

Purple purple pinky bubbles…
Watch them fly as my life wobbles…
Raise my head to touch their ghosts…
I slowly crawl while they still double…

And then I reach the lowest one…
Point my finger but it’s gone…
Stare around, they disappear!!!
And leave me stuck!! Now I’m in trouble!!!

“Intrusion.Win.MSSQL.worm-
Helkern” spreading like a storm…
Anti-Hacker stand on-guard
as we send Helkern to play with Hubble…

Purple ravens flying low…
They hit my head with the “Shortest Straw”…
And “Major Barbara” of Bernard Shaw…
They throw me down, I fall on stubble…

Purple purple ugly flies…
Flying low down ravens’ eyes…
Group in noisy purple clouds
And hunting ravens down in couples…

***********

Purple purple slippery ground
Blood and corpse and buzzy sounds
Laying still where I were thrown
I wait for the Advent of Death Hounds

With Ravens’ gone I’m all alone…
I look up high with eyes of stone…
I see through crowds of purple flies
Descending Angel through the clouds

Purple Mighty, Purple Strong
Purple Angel comes along
Takes my eyes and flies with flies
I’m rendered blind, I cry so loud!!!

A blind man walking through the unseen
in purple cosmos he’s The Green
Purple peacocks block his way
They spread their wings and sew his shroud…

***********

Purple birds with purple feather
Peck my head like they have never
Barely stand and swing my hand
I run and jump into the river

But purple Fish have longer teeth
They only use them underneath
They pierce so deep into my flesh
While one of them consumes my liver

No lies I tell, I could survive!!!
I made my way hard through that hive…
A half green-man who’s still alive!!!
I’m purple-crippled, I’m doomed forever…

Sorry Purples you will pay
Green-God’s watching while I pray
I just meant you all no harm!!!
You’ve hurt the Greenish Unfogiver!!!!

***********

Greenish Greenish pinky bubbles…
Watch them fly as my wife wobbles…
Raise my head to touch their ghosts…
I slowly crawl while they still double…

Then I reach the highest one…
Stretch my hand and now I’m done…
Stare around, they’re all still there!!!
I gather’em all with ZERO trouble!!!

Greenish ravens flying High…
Wings of vengeance in the sky…
Void of Angels void of Hounds…
Peaceful crows now pick the stubble…

Purple purple ugly flies…
Piling low down ravens’ eyes…
Group in silent purple crowds
And no more hurting raven couples…

H.Q.
11:14, Monday
26 February 2007

I HAVE GRADUATAED!!!!

AT LAST!!!! IT’S OVER!!!!!! The torture at this useless waste of time called “college” is OVER!!! Now I’m freeeeeeeee to do whatever I have to do… I’ll start scanning tomorrow, so the gallery will be ready in no time :)… wish me luck 🙂

Still in progress… and running out of time…

Well, today I’ve almost finished an itching, just to find out that it’s toooo white 🙁 … well.. gonna fix it tomorrow… but think I’m running out of time 🙁 … I have only ONE finished artwork out of the expected 8… and I only have 8 more days to finish.. just wish me luck…

1st successful print :)

Yeppi 🙂 … the 1st Lithograph print is done and it looks awesome!!!! And I LOVE IT!!!! Still have only 10 days for the deadline to deliver our artworks before graduation day… I hope I can do it on time… the Gallery is gonna be ready directly after my graduation… so sorry for now… I can supply no pics at all 🙁

See ya ALL in Hell m/

Tavngeste!!! H.A.I.L.!!!

Well, here’s something… yesterday, it was the first time for me to have the chance to listen to the Russian Metal band Tvangeste… and right now I feel so bad I didn’t hear about them before!!!! They play an irresistible style of Symphonic Black metal, their instruments might not be of that high quality, but the band has even gone beyond the capabilities of their own sound!!! I started playing the album at 00:15 yesterday… and it kept repeating and repeating till the morning!!! And then I copied it onto a CD-RW and took it with me to college!!!! And now here I am playing it again!!!!!

More than 24 hours of continuous non-stopping pleasure!!!!

Here’s the band’s site, where you can DOWNLOAD their official 2 albums as HQ MP3s… and if you might care to listen to a streaming of some of the band’s songs, then you can go to their page @VampireFreaks, or go to their MySpace profile HERE

Black Metal, Damnation of Regiomontum, Orchestral, Symphonic, Tvangeste

Too late… Too fast!!!

Well yeah… today I woke up so so soooo late… went to college at 6:00 PM, as I was supposed to be there at 9:00 AM!!! BUT!!! I’m almost done drawing the Lithograph Cliché!!! And it’s gonna be finished on Saturday hopefullyJ!!

Tomorrow is Friday… my only day when I can take a break from life… I gotta take a shower!!! As I began to smell like a 15days old rotten pig corpse **puking**… and gotta shave too… or else it’s gonna turn into a crow’s nest!!!
And at the moment…. I AM STARVING!!!! So, see ya all later 😉

Update… so what?!

Well, still working, starting with a new Lithographic print, two silkscreen clichés are almost ready… and yet undone with the other two copper plates… yeah… I know this place is starting to get a bit boring… but hold on!!!! It’s only 17more days before graduation!!!

And yeah, one more thing!!! NEVER EVER USE NORTON GOBACK!!!!
It took me a long long long time to retrieve my 250GB Backup Hard disc from that “bg_ui_support (1199)” internal error!!!! And DAMN how I was terrified!!!!!!

Another Day in College…

Well, as I have to wait till Feb. the 12th to continue working on the design of this site… I can do nothing but keep on my diary being up-to-date… so… what’s new 🙂

  1. The work for As Light Dies
    is done… the cover was ready about 2 months ago… and now the album is released! “A Step Through The Reflection”
    is now available at the band’s site….
    and well… Y.E.S… I designed the front and back covers =) … the inside Booklet is designed by the Band’s Guitarist/Vocalist Oscar Martín… and the cover is soon to be in My Gallery…
  2. I’m going to design the cover for the new Lord Shades album :)… directly after graduation… maybe more 3D work and handwork than the one of As Light Dies…

and last… out of 8, one print is ready for my graduation project, and another will be done by tomorrow, and will be placed in my Gallery-to-be after February 12th… sorry all but… I have to go now… back to work tomorrow 🙂

A Step Through the Reflection, As Ligth Dies, Lord Shades

My 1st re-post!!!

Hello all 🙂 so, I have 1 month left before graduation day, so I’m really busy with my final project… Blogspot.com has been blocked locally, so… fortunately I found a place which’s even better!!! moving my stuff to WordPress.com… yep, seems I’m gonna have a lot to do here… currently this is gonna be my homepage for another while, at least I can create some real pages here, maybe have some space for my small Art Gallery… anyway, for now… Happy New YEAR!!!! H.Q.