today… I have seen a man fading…. well, not any man… for the first time I see.. a soul… getting tortured more than mine… in a disgusting twisted way… his heart have run away… and now, he’s run out of hope.. life.. and humanity…
well, “God has his ways”… and they’re twisted, and filthy…
“it’s all for a purpose”… a purpose, more twisted and hellish than the ways themselves…

well, right now, this man has a 2-3 years of pain to live… or to die… starting from now… these years will either pass slowly, meaningless, empty, pointless, and naked of all feelings and senses… or they might pass slower, meaningful, full.. of sorrow… pointless, hopeless, and full of broken feelings and desperate senses… and maybe.. well, they may not even pass… as time has just stopped…

and today… I’ve seen a woman fading…. fading through his eyes… far away on the other side… a hundred miles away from him… but still… she’s not…

they were both damned for they were both born… in this everly-twisted play… it’s no more about the choices you make… your choices have never been yours… what’s the need for a freewill if you have nothing to choose from…. and well, no need to mention God… it’s all well known…

God, let them die for good… and let me die with them…
just look at him….
just look at me…
I’m so soft… so ugly… and so useless… yes I am… but I’m more useful than you are….

oh thou ugly Gods… as ye have created shame… so thee be ashamed…
as ye have brought love, as ye have brought pain…. so shalt thee feel both.. combined…
shall you stop your ugly game… and halt your boring play… for you have read my lines.. before they got written….. for once… F.E.E.L..
but as I know… the same as you do… “feel” is just a word…. and “word” is quite nothing… and “nothing” doesn’t even exist… as “existence” have never been… and “being” was never there… as “there” was nothing… as “nothing” was there… and as “nothing” has never existed… just as “existence” itself… the only thing that “exists” is You, Holy God… so shall you celebrate your loneliness…

shall I not feel sorrow…
shall I not feel pain….
shall I not feel at all..
for it’s no more unexpected…
for it’s no more “unknown”…
and now, even “death” can do nothing….
but “nothing” doesn’t even exist…
as “existence” has never been…
and “being” was never there…
all is “there” was You… only You, Poor God… Poor Despicable God…
so shall you celebrate your loneliness… as you’re not even “All” alone… you’re just “alone”..by yourself…
so shall you celebrate… for you’re, just, alone…

02:28 28/07/2005
for Jason, for Serine..for history… as if they have ever existed..

02:32 28/07/2005
for me…the soft, the ugly.. the useless… the less deserving of all.. pathetically sickening..
H.Q.

As always, I’m going to apologize, for not being able to keep the site up-to-date, and above all, for not –yet– being able to have a photo album or an art gallery…

1. Tomorrow evening I’m going to get my artworks on a CD, it was delayed for too long, but what’s the use of an empty Gallery after all?
2. I’ve had a wonderful exhibition, thanx all for coming over :D… uh.. yeah, anyway, the artworks are on the same above-mentioned CD 🙂
3. The website design for the Syrian SGP (GEF/UNDP project) was officially cancelled, a new CEO is in charge of the SYR UNDP so, they preferred to stick to the old sucky site…

If you would like to have some real F%^$@# sick laugh… make sure you visit down here before you go… it’s some blog showing how ignorant a man could be… and he’s serious!!!! And it’s called:

Heliocentrism is an Atheist Doctrine!!!! …sucker…

Well… that’s all I can add now… as it’s getting a bit too sunny outside!!! 07:13 AM…. Gotta get some sleep…

3days non-sleeping… that’s the best thing that could describe what I’m going through right now… I have a joint exhibition to prepare for on Monday, 30^th of April, I designed the poster and was supposed to design the cards as well, but no time is left… as I received a new task to be done on a10-day deadline… the re-designing of the SGP (Small Grants Programme) site, which is a part of the UNDP programs as I recall… the Syrian sub-site is going its own way, and they want a newer, more attractive design… yeah…. Wish me luck on this one!!

On the other hand… I’m still ripping/backing the old “Compact Cassette” deteriorating collection my parents have… and it’s a long boring process… ugh…

One thing I’m happy about, is the results I’m getting with my Zenith camera 🙂 !!! started to scan the Negatives instead of making some hard prints… and the result is quite satisfying 🙂 …. None is gonna be posted until I settle on some good photo hosting site… thinking of Flickr…

Currently Playing:

Hollenthon – With Vilest of Worms to Dwell

AT LAST!!!! IT’S OVER!!!!!! The torture at this useless waste of time called “college” is OVER!!! Now I’m freeeeeeeee to do whatever I have to do… I’ll start scanning tomorrow, so the gallery will be ready in no time :)… wish me luck 🙂

Well, today I’ve almost finished an itching, just to find out that it’s toooo white 🙁 … well.. gonna fix it tomorrow… but think I’m running out of time 🙁 … I have only ONE finished artwork out of the expected 8… and I only have 8 more days to finish.. just wish me luck…

Yeppi 🙂 … the 1^st Lithograph print is done and it looks awesome!!!! And I LOVE IT!!!! Still have only 10 days for the deadline to deliver our artworks before graduation day… I hope I can do it on time… the Gallery is gonna be ready directly after my graduation… so sorry for now… I can supply no pics at all 🙁

See ya ALL in Hell m/

Well yeah… today I woke up so so soooo late… went to college at 6:00 PM, as I was supposed to be there at 9:00 AM!!! BUT!!! I’m almost done drawing the Lithograph Cliché!!! And it’s gonna be finished on Saturday hopefullyJ!!

Tomorrow is Friday… my only day when I can take a break from life… I gotta take a shower!!! As I began to smell like a 15days old rotten pig corpse **puking**… and gotta shave too… or else it’s gonna turn into a crow’s nest!!!
And at the moment…. I AM STARVING!!!! So, see ya all later 😉

Well, still working, starting with a new Lithographic print, two silkscreen clichés are almost ready… and yet undone with the other two copper plates… yeah… I know this place is starting to get a bit boring… but hold on!!!! It’s only 17more days before graduation!!!

And yeah, one more thing!!! NEVER EVER USE NORTON GOBACK!!!!
It took me a long long long time to retrieve my 250GB Backup Hard disc from that “bg_ui_support (1199)” internal error!!!! And DAMN how I was terrified!!!!!!