I’m counting seconds as I watch myself counting seconds… I know it will take time, but I’m enjoying every single instant of it…
There are fires that need to be put out first, once the blinding heat turns into a calming cool breeze, the clock will strike thirteen, and two minds will unite into a pen, as two hearts unite into a shining bright sheet of recycled paper, and there, history will be recreated, and a new surreal story of fives and squirrel wings will be sketchpadded… <3
she’s here…
I can feel it…
I even have trails of a memory from the last two days…
But then she’s not…
Yet I’m sure she is here…
As if I was crossing into another dimension…
A parallel world… Where she exists…
I can vaguely remember her…
Something is trying to break into my brain…
I can feel it behind me…
And I know it shall strike soon…
I just know I was happy…
But I don’t really know who she is…
I’m waking myself up in my wake…
She’s a heaviness on my heart and in my brain…
I don’t want to sleep for she’s not in my dreams…
My memory is failing me again…
As my space is limited by my own monsters…
This is what I mean…
And it makes no sense to me…
Yet I’m sure she’s here…
For “WE” are the ones crying afar…
Our swords are made of words, words that wounds not the deaf…
We have no wings nor have we got them rides…
Our Valkyries are frozen tears, drying up at the heat of blazing cannons…
Our horses are dreams of a stillborn hope, slaughtered at the altars of filth and greed…
Death is only real for we have chosen to embrace it, but for them…
It shalt not be but an eternal shame and an endless pain beyond the seven depths of Hell…
Then for those it is but a wish… For death now hovers above headless children and towerless temples… The smell of flesh and the warmth of blood only draws a nearer end for the slaughter…
But Death serves not the fearless souls of the free, for the blade of the tyrant aghast he obeys…
Death comes to him who fears him not… And him we all shall praise… Glory to the dead…
Regurgitating broken verses and half-cooked misspellings…
Ruminating a decade-old poem over a rotten fake reminiscence…
What have you left for the crows?
What have you left for them beasts of the night?
Abusing an ill inspiration to set your feelings ablaze…
She was nothing but a glitch… And you were nothing but a tool…
If I would turn back in time… I would point the barrel to the eye again…
And then I’ll cower… Just like you did… And I’ll leave me to your shame…
You’ve never meant anything to me…
You’ve never been but a shell…
A shell I’m forced to wear, everyday before I wish for an end…
A dead doll on my floor… A chaotic resemblance of an infernal sparrow… It bleeds triangles over an alien womb… I stare hollow into the flat void… And I wait…
How is that supposed to work? If you stay away they surely are not going to get any closer, if you’re scared to speak up no one is going to ask you what you think, and waiting surely won’t get them any younger… But you’re no hawk, you’re just a frightened little crow, you only wait for them to fall near you to jump over and take advantage of whatever is left of their overabused rotten corpses… Yet you even fail at that!
How many corpses have you devoured recently? How many have you ever done?
Nil, cipher, null, cero, noll, náid, nolla, sero, sifuri, nič, nihil… Need I say more?
“For we brought nothing into the world, and it is certaine, that we can carie nothing out”… But maybe you shouldn’t have been too literal about it…
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust… Amen
A total loss of vocabulary, a broken grammar and a pain of the soul… Disoriented, confused and nearly fainting, I can hardly see through the nonexistent thin layer of air separating me from my screen, I’m aging, I’m failing, I’m losing my mind, and the only true friend I have is a twisted melody of a funeral dance.
Why can I not speak my heart out, why am I still stuck in these ancient manners of a mummified pharaoh, what good have they brought me but the lifeless state of the clown I am, what good have I brought to myself but being a tool for others to survive, is this what I deserve for neglecting myself, is this what I deserve for being the lamb I am…
It is a contaminated shot of happiness, a single dose that rushes through your veins, yet fails to thrill you enough beyond the pain it causes, you smile and take a deep breath, watching a tear taking its way down with your dreams.
You know it’s real, but you try to convince yourself to cling to it no more, for you know it is not meant to last…
But then, deep inside your heart, behind your mortal curtains of flesh and slaughtered dreams, you wish for it to stay, for you know that underneath all the pain it brings lies the only smile you’ve ever had…
No one can see you, they’re only receiving whatever light is reflecting from your hollow outer shell, they just cannot see through you, for you’ve been trapped in the darkest of all black holes, blackened beyond the deadliest of all blacks, the deafening silence is crushing you in beyond the void.
You try and scream for help, but your lips are sealed dumb, only you can hear the choking cries being slaughtered behind your deceiving smile. They smile back at you and leave you to your agony, as you retreat, falling back to the shapeless state of the imprisoned soul you are, eagerly awaiting the advent of the Angel of Decease, to set free your heart besieged.
Jungle kills jungle kills jungles all the way
Tigers, snakes, lizards and apes, crocodiles night and day! HEY!!
Jungle kills jungle kills jungles all the way
Bring your gun, it’s no fun! No, I don’t want to stayyyyy!
Cannibals all night long, are singing tribal songs
They won’t let you go but they might let you feel the prongs! HEY!
Jungle kills jungle kills jungles all the way
‘You’re dead now’ says the crow, and drags me on the sleigh!
I’ve never looked down at myself, for I am always in the same level with me… I am what I couldn’t give, what I couldn’t say, what I couldn’t be… What “I” is now is nothing of what I’ve dreamt, is nothing of what I hoped, is nothing of what I knew… What “I” once was is just a 26 years of beautiful abomination, of pleasant abhorrence, a rented shell for a trespassing soul… I am not the face I see, nor am I the voice I hear… the trapped mind behind these blackened hazel eyes is eager to leave this deceiving prison of flesh and lies… I am not what you all want me to be…
Uselessness killed the fucking hawk, emptiness bled him dry, uninspiration plucked his feathers for he’s not meant to fly…
can you hear me, ashen bird, blackened beyond the black… Still you think you’ve done it right despite the soul I lacked?
If we’re meant to meet again, then spare no rounds at all, pull your gun and decorate my skull with a fucking hole…
A leopard once has revelled where now maggots began to dwell, so pack your faceless devils as you drag me back to hell…
Underneath the Stygian fire, the Phoenix meets the hawk, the raven meets the leopard and they all unite in smoke…
Pointlessness beyond imagination… Why bother breathe!?
The loss of grammar, is the first step of literary decay… Providing that those few words you shed are the only thing immortal, you live through them, and fade the moment they fade…
But then, after all, eternity is overrated, and God, itself, is a Nihilist… And no matter how hard we try, we’re not going to last till the death of our Sun, for we are the harbingers of destruction, and it’s our children’s fate to deal with our own selfish sins…
And you, yes YOU, smiling at these hollow words… It’s not a dream of annihilation billions of years after your bio-decomposition, it’s a fact, rushing towards you to hit you in the face 40 years from now… It’s very likely you’ll witness the end of civilisation, while your deformed children will witness the end of all things living…
Cursed be the ones who made me leave you beautiful two… and leave my family, my friends, and everything I held dear back home….
I pray this holy night for them to get the worse, for they have broken families, hearts, and smiles of best friends, ruined lives and futures, and ruined all that hope once meant…
I swear, and God is my witness, that they shalt rot on this Earth before they’ll meet the worse to come in their afterlife… Damned for all eternity, for they have taken a life away, they have taken the life of him who forgives not… If God has mercy, then he shalt hold it back from those who deserve not his mercy, for they have killed the souls and left the hollow bodies of us thousands to wander aimlessly under alien skies…
I pray for them to suffer a lifetime for every moment we missed a loved one, to bleed dry tenfold for every tear we’ve dropped, for I can feel no mercy for them who’ve grown nothing but hatred, greed and envy in their black hearts, or whatever carcass is left of it …
Waiting for my time to come, to depart from a burning hell to another. on wings of sand i fly into the hazy skies, and down to a doomed, demolished ground..
I sit here and wait, and watch the beauty of the unknown heading in every direction, but it’s only a glimpse, ends in an instant, and gives way, back to the horror show of the mobile human corpses; all I see is errors, all I see is mis-creations, and the only perfect soul I see is the one of the corpse I hate, the one of the corpse I know, the one of corpse I own… the one of the corpse I am…
A victorious smile is shining on his shattered face, he knows it, every part of his body knows, deep down to the dying core he knows it is a lie…
A victorious smile is shining on his shattered face, only to be split in half by the only honest tear taking its way down away from the dishonest entity that he is…
He knows he has lost it all… but still he pretends not to see the wreckage he left behind, the wreckage that once was his heart… the wreckage that once was a life or a shape of a life form… he was stripped down to the animal carcass he came from, nothing is covering his screaming shame but a pale cloth of a human skin, a skin that once had lots more within…
But still he stands, proving he’s not just another four-legged monster, proving that there’s more in him than the pre-packed flesh that comes with every newborn, he holds tight to the faintest strings of dignity he got from his human mother, and to the recycled pride he got from his human father… You can see it through his grey eyes… it was there… when they all were where they should’ve been… when they all were what they should’ve been… but now…
all I see is a gleam sucked back in… a black hole… a broken lie of a victorious hero… and a pride of a defective heart…
Collecting dust, wind, and second-hand, pre-owned garbage bags…
Got myself one nice offer; a dog-headed god offered me a plastic bag with my head in! “In exchange” he grinned “I shall have some… TWENTY FIVE YEARS worth of memories!!!”… I couldn’t refuse such an offer, it was, literally, a no brainer; for my head, after all, was in the bag!!
So he handed me the bag, and took away the memories… I was happy, it was the first time I see me face to face! So I threw the head in the trash, and made me a nice plastic raincoat!!!
But it never rains here, not under his sight… in this endless desert, it will never rain… Not until you find your way back into this little cage of mine…
I live through your hate, for I am the fathomless well where your secrets drown… I chain your blinded mind as I suck the nectar out of your poisonous dreams, playing the angel on the shoulders of your enemies and yours, reinforcing hostility with innocent negation, and watching hatred turn to fury…
I live through your rage, stepping over your anger and reaching closer to the softer fragile shell inside, I silence your cries of vengeance, but never kill the blood-lust, I leave you numb, addicted, aching for a shot of goodwill to tame the avenging animal within, I watch you beg, and mutely cry behind curtains of darkness …
I live through your tears, and with bare feet I walk onto the broken glass of your shattered heart, and as my blood unites with your remains, a new shape takes form, a hybrid heart moulds from your recycled soul, a wingless bird, scared of leaving his cage…
…and through your fear I’m immortalised, for I, The Fearless, now lead the blind…
Simplicity ruled one aching heart
For twenty years he lived in pain
He sought out but the broken souls
And them he’d found, and them he’d slain
Then one midnight one angel dies
Unveiling lies of a world mundane
For once he lost what life once meant
Is he but a wheel in a moving train
As she fell down so fell his faith
And a wake of reason hit his brain
Now complex scripts control his mind
They drove him blind, mad and insane
Misunderstanding lines of code
Miscommunicating down the chain
is all he does, is all he knows
is he but an aimless human stain
****
Simplicity ruled one simple heart
for twenty years he lived in vain
and now he’s dead, God shirked his soul
One mammal down, one man disdain
From his grey flesh our earth is formed
And from his tears there shall be rain
His blood runs down and through the soil
And deep it flows into our veins
And from his voice disformants growl
discordance, over fainting strains
as crows fly low lifting his shade
under dead wings; his fateful bane
one final trip my sinful friend
distant from all our mangled plains
thy ashes shall be mixed with light
as darkness dwells where you had lain
****
As mortal lies consume our ghosts
We gloat and praise our passing reign
Simplicity killed one lonesome crow
But from our dust, he’ll rise again…
I don’t want to see you fade… I don’t want to watch you die…
It might’ve been for the best; the way you left, dead or alive, it won’t make a difference, you’re gone either ways… All I know, is I have this image in mind, this perfect smile…
But maybe, after all, I was just the perfect illiterate not to read within your words, I just know it was all a very big misunderstanding to start with… but come on! The only reason I’m still alive, is that I misunderstood the whole thing… she was a messenger… she just delivered what she had for me… a soul… just like everybody else…
And later, they all had to leave their own way…
God, don’t you think it would’ve been nicer if you did it all old-style? Why couldn’t you just make it all built-in the moment I opened my eyes to this waste of a world? A soul, a meaning and a heart… they were given only to be taken back… do you really have something to prove? I don’t think there’s anything for me in it, so maybe it’s something for you, to prove to the all-mighty self of yours? Yep, I know it’s been some time since we last talked, I know, me so busy, you just, not being there, all the time… or is it just cause I didn’t really need you? Is that how we evaluate things? Need?
Distracted, chaotic, purposeless, skinny shade of grey… only getting skinnier… and hopefully closer to an end… Can’t you just “undo” a creation? I’ll be glad to be your guinea pig!! Am I not but one anyway?
