When the Heart Decides to Fail…

… Is when the mind decides to take the lead.

Emotions interweave with a momentary loss of vision, as they draw paths of their own, swerving away from a destination once set by a knowing, all-seeing, conscious mind; on which it struggles not to drift astray. But then you try to push it and then push it more, and ultimately fall into a sudden wake of the self, it leaves you out there, emotionless, a naked mechanical skeleton exposed to the eyes of a species to which you’ve never belonged. And then you try not to lie, for you have meant no harm, but end up doing more harm than what your lies would’ve caused, you try to use logic, for now the brain is master, but you find out that those who demand it are those who are hurt the most by it. So now you’re standing there, not knowing what else to do, for in every move you do you’re breaking wings, in every step you make you’re shattering mirrors, and in every word you say you’re disfiguring faces once ablythe; and now you’re dubbed a beast, a catastrophic mess of an unholy creation, for you have succeeded to ruin every beautiful thing you’ve ever cared to keep, and break every precious soul you’ve ever wanted to please, and no matter how hard you try to make it right, your words are failing you once more, choosing to add more to the misery you’ve never meant to create…

And then you wish that everyone was as simple as you are… I am here, and I won’t go nowhere… I tried, and I tried more and yet I failed again… I am what I am, a defect miscreation of an imperfect God, take me for what I haven’t chosen to be, and I would promise you nothing, nothing but an everlasting memory in a dying brain, nothing but a promise that you would be left unquestioned once you’re tired of this old owl, nothing but a fluctuation of anxiety and sudden bursts of manic laughter, nothing but a few smiles and a lake of tears, nothing but an honest word that would hurt you and hurt you again if you don’t give up this selfishness of a human nature and instinct-driven canister of selfish genes… I’ve never demanded a single thing from an alien soul, and I never will, all I had to offer was this chaotic mess I am, I don’t belong to anyone, I don’t belong to any place, I’m only alive for I know I’ll soon be dead, and that’s where I truly belong…

Until then, I am here to stay…

H.Q.
12:37
Sunday, 23 October 2011